Hell Confirms Windows 8.1

It has been confirmed by the demonic horde at Redmond, Washington that the not-so-classified code name of “Windows Blue” which is an update will be officially dubbed as Windows 8.1. Sources in Hell assures me that the new serious update will be available for those dark souls already on Windows 8 and Windows RT devices alike, and it will cost you the low, low price of your wretched soul!

No, I’m kidding…

Bill Gates and crew at the Redmond Campus whispers through tainted lips that it will be made free to all those who are already running the Windows 8 and RT devices.

So, if you’re still on Windows 7 or less, piss off!

Interestingly, the free Windows 8.1 update will be available through the Windows Store, not the usual Windows Update method.

Already through nefarious means into the darker realms of the Internet that early leaks of Windows 8.1 gave promise of some tantalizing gruesome glimpses into the brooding future.

A new half-screen Snap feature was just one of many helpful tweaks in the notorious and highly illegal leaked versions of Windows Blue. Let me go on to say, there are some added beneficial tweaks, enhancements, and some features for the desktop and laptop systems.

Windows 8.1 gives Microsoft an unprecedented crucial opportunity in quickly correcting some of the most glaring missteps present in its new-look operating system to date!

Comments from company representatives seems to suggest that Microsoft is truly paying attention to customer feedback and metrics as it develops Windows 8.1 at least with the corporate goons and various minions that the Redmond Campus deems necessary to listen to in the first place.

“These very fates of the PC and Microsoft’s mobile ambitions alike may be hinging on this most critical course recalculation that it just may restore order to the force!” Obi-Wan Kenobi reported saying for the Jedi Times earlier this week.

Also, what they’ll miss, they’ll get it one of the Service Packs and Updates anyways – Business as usual.

Will the gang at Microsoft get it fucking right?

Will even more heads roll, and if so, what about that fucking ass-clown pretending to be the CEO of the entire operation – Steve “Da’ Man” Ballmer?

“No, these are not the droids you’re looking for…” Obi-Wan Kenobi concluded in a warning when asked about the particular improvements of the new update.

Sources in Hell also confirmed through Twitter and Facebook statements that the IT Department there have already rolled out Windows 8.1 for their business machines. Early signs suggest that it’s a “…DarkWorks, lemme tell ya’, it’s a huge motherfucking improvement!” Lucifer assured.

The Windows Blue leaks also suggest Microsoft may be on the right track. Nonetheless, we’ll all know for fucking sure before long – A foregone conclusion, really.

I had a chance to recently speak with a couple of assholes at the infamous JP Morgan Technology; Media & Telecom Conference. I found out a couple of things straight away. One is which; there sure are a lot of assholes all clustered in one location. And secondly; I wouldn’t trust these fuckers with my dead dog, Petie’s old bones!

Then there is the official Windows co-honcho Tami Reller that got nailed down and may not be able to sit or walk quite right ever again!

Oh, and she also nailed down a fucking concrete shipping date for the Developer Preview.

Prepare to start feeling the “Windows 8.1 Blues” in just over a month, on June 26, 2013 if the sinister powers that be will allow it.

Reporters here at DarkWorks also reported that sources in Heaven are still running Windows 3.11 and have no plans of any immediate systems upgrades any time soon. “…due to budgetary and technology restrictions beyond God’s control.” Jesus the Christ said as he took a “time out” to attempt to re-learn piano lessons since his wounds obtained from his supposed crucifixion to talk to us.

 

The All-American Nightmare Continues!

 

New June, 2013 Official Magazine Cover is now Released!

After a couple of super-heavy reads like “The Nation Around Me” which is released today, May 1, 2013 and already causing quite the ruckus with the fans of this auspiciously dark horror publication as outlined in my earlier super-charged post, “Dine in the Shadows of My Turbulence.” I feel it’s time to return to almost normal and what better way to do it than with our illustrious “Award-Winning” graphics and Magazine Covers as we also mentioned earlier.

Yes, and hating our gifted talents will get you nowhere, but unadulterated flattery will get you a front row seat at the next Doyle Concert in Hell’s main auditorium!

Though, this month as you can clearly see, we haven’t mentioned any bands of the month as we sometimes do. However, we did mention our fantabulous soundtrack to  “DarkWorks The Motion Picture.”

As Samuel L. Jackson emailed me the other day while talking about the script to my next dark project of, “The Devil in Harlem” with co-stars Danzel Washington, and the remarkable Idris Elba of “The Wire.” Sammy was a little excited about listening to the OST if you would. Samuel voiced his concerns about the upcoming “The Devil in Harlem” and who might be on that soundtrack.

His concerns are warranted. There is so much talent out there to choose from, it’s a shame in my opinion, most of it is pure horseshit though. That of course brings us up to speed with the email and later video conferencing conducted here at our office.

You see, I hate… Hate is such a strong word, allow me to refrain, I dislike Rap and Hip-Hop not to mention 98.975% of the “soul” music out there in the corporate scene. I am tired about hearing a couple of “wanna-be baby-dick rap artists holding their tiny cocks in their gold-clustered rings, necklaces, and fucking gold teeth who insist on not paying a dime to Child Support in whatever ghetto they fucking breed from.

You see, I had to “word” it a little different, something more palatable for Mr. Jackson before he would call me some sort of racist or a “mothafucka” or some near ethnic-Ebonics bullshit like that.

I simply said, “Yo, Slick. Lemme break it down this way to you, for you, so you may understand. The movie is going to be filmed in Harlem in present day but the soundtrack is not going to be so ethnic that white people won’t or can’t understand it. And as you know with the latest statistics I just sent to you from LionsGate, Honky motherfuckers such as myself buy tickets. White motherfuckers buy theater tickets. Do you feel me?”

He was a little reluctant and looking over the statistics, he conceded. He also wanted to know what the other stars thought, his two co-stars. I told him the truth, they’re all-fucking-right with some non-ethnic black metal, death metal, and some Goth not to mention some heavy industrial dark wave. And yeah, there’s gonna be some rap, trip-hop, and psycho-tribal post grunge but not much.

So what does this shit have to do with this magazine cover?

Fuck if I know, man…

Let me get back with you all on that one!

The All –American Nightmare Continues!

 

Big Happenings Going On!

We say goodbye to the name of “The Douginator Online Magazine” for the power behind the scenes to “DarkWorks Entertainment” which is all still pretty much the same. You know, it’s still the brainchild and blog of the literary works of me, Douglas S. Taylor.

Nothing new passed the name change to something more fitting and more focused without so much of the confusion that may now be eliminated – Least somewhat.

Sure, the URL will remain the same and the search engines may take a few days to catch up, but navigation and such will take you here, virtually the same old place, and the same great horror and wicked literary treats with stunning graphics that you are most certainly accustomed with throughout the lifespan of this showcase of horror.

We here at DarkWorks Entertainment, L.L.C. are stoked about the whole thing. We will be adding in the very near future, other social media plug-ins, and presence like our wickedly ominous force on Twitter so that you all can keep abreast of the latest news, information, and mind-blowing horror geared for the adult and mature-minded who have the “stones” in this shocking genre!

Thanks everyone!

Douglas S. Taylor

The All-American Nightmare Continues!